Sermon: "Loving Those Who Annoy You"
Have you ever been lying in bed, trying to go to sleep or trying not to get completely awake, and an annoying fly started buzzing in your bedroom? It is only a small fly, but the buzzing can be so annoying that it seems to be as loud as a jet engine.
Have you noticed that some people can be as annoying as a buzzing fly? We all have people who annoy us. Please don’t be offended if you fall into any of the following categories of people who annoy me because it is my problem, not yours. Here is a partial list.
People who go through the drive-thru window at a fast food restaurant and order enough food for a large family reunion. Four or five trays of drinks, 10 bags of food and then before they pull away they ask for some packs of barbecue sauce or more napkins.
People who drive in the fast lane on an interstate highway and go exactly the same speed as the car beside them in the slow lane.
People who take forever to make a decision.
Just as we all have people who annoy us, we all are annoying to someone else. I’m sure there are times when I annoy you. I know that last fall as we were getting ready to return home from vacation I must have been as annoying as a big buzzing horse fly to Connie.
I am a morning person, Connie is not, but when we were leaving on vacation we decided to leave early. Connie loves vacations so we left the house at 3:30 a.m.
When it was time to come home I felt we should do the same thing. Of course, Connie is never ready to come home from a vacation, but she reluctantly agreed to leave early. However we had crossed into the Central Time Zone so in my warped thinking if we wanted to be on the road by 3:30 a.m. we really had to leave at 2:30 a.m. I’m sure when I called Connie that morning she must have thought I was the most annoying person in the world – to her credit she didn’t crumble or complain, but she did fall asleep once we were on the road.
In that instance Connie chose to love me even though I was annoying. I say she choose to love me because biblical love is a choice. She chose to be patient and kind. She chose to be unselfish and she chose to not get angry. That is a good description of biblical love. The Bible says …
I CORINTHIANS 13:4-5 – 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Last week we looked at what Jesus called the greatest commandment. This week we are going to study what he calls the second greatest commandment. Both of these commandments are given to us in our scripture lesson for this morning.
MATTHEW 22:36-40 – 36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ 37Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
This morning we are going to look at just one part of putting the second greatest commandment – loving your neighbor as yourself – into practice. That part is … “loving those who annoy you.”
You can learn to love people, even those who annoy you, as God would have you love them by having your heart transformed.
This will not be an easy lesson for most of us. This is not one of those messages that make us feel good because it starts with …
I. HAVING YOUR HEART EXAMINED
Having your heart examined can be a very humbling experience. It is something like going to a hospital and putting on one of those gowns that are open all the way down the back and are held closed with a couple little strings. Doctors and nurses prod and probe everywhere. Nothing is hidden. Everything is exposed. Birthmarks, scars, moles, skinny white legs, knobby knees, love handles, and large thighs are all exposed. Several days or perhaps just several hours in a hospital quickly does away with your pride.
That’s what we need to have done to our hearts if we are going to love those who annoy us as God would have us love them. Let’s begin by …
A. DOING A PERSONAL EXAM
We do this all the time with our physical bodies. If we fall, we jump up and then start to check any cuts or scrapes we incurred. We check to make sure we didn’t break any bones. If we accidently cut ourselves we check to see if we need to go to the hospital for stitches. Many women do weekly or monthly self-breast exams. We check our blood pressure or sugar levels. Yes, we do a lot of physical exams and probably very few heart exams. So let’s do one this morning.
I suspect we are going to discover that a lot of us have some heart problems. Remember this heart examine is to determine how we deal with people who annoy us. If we aren’t careful, people who annoy us can cause us to have …
1. Negative, ungodly attitudes
I’m sure you have noticed that dealing with annoying people in our lives can give rise to:
a) Frustration
b) Bitterness
and
c) Hostility
If these things are not dealt with promptly they become the routine focus of our hearts. We can get caught off guard because …
2. The process to developing negative, ungodly attitudes is subtle
Here is how it happens:
a) We nurture memories of being mistreated
At times we are all mistreated. Certain people will walk by us as if we don’t exist. Others speak to us in a demeaning manner. Still others know which buttons to push in order to get us upset.
Instead of letting go of these things, we hold on to them and our heart has become diseased.
b) We allow the sun to set upon our anger
This is extremely dangerous to our heart … our soul. When you refuse to forgive someone and sleep with your anger, it starts to make you a different person. A person God does not want you to be.
Let’s take a moment to look at some …
3. Results of negative, ungodly attitudes
a) Bad body language – eye rolling, silent treatment, slamming or throwing things
b) Name calling
c) Grumbling, complaining
All of these can be signs that we do not value people as God values them, and therefore, are not loving them as God has instructed us to do.
Here is another one that may catch you off guard.
d) Being rude to telemarketers
I know you didn’t ask them to call. They interrupted what you were doing, but that does not give us a right to be rude to them.
If we are going to obey what Jesus said is the second greatest commandment, we must root out the everyday hostility that we exhibit toward those who annoy us.
Such hostility may seem minor in today’s society in which people attack each other on TV reality shows, radio talk shows and the Internet, but Jesus calls us to love our neighbors – not to ignore them. Not to be rude to them. Not to avoid them … but to love them.
How are you doing with your personal exam? Do you have a heart problem? If you do, we will show you want you can do in a few moments, but your exam is only partly completed. Next you need to …
B. ASK GOD TO SEARCH YOUR HEART
This takes a lot of courage. King David set the example for us and gave us the prayer we need to pray.
PSALM 139:23-24 – 23Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Before we continue we are going to pause a few moments and allow all of us time to pray that prayer and allow God to show us if there are things in our lives that indicate we are not obeying what Jesus called the second greatest commandment. To show us the changes we need to make as we relate to other people. Yes, even people who annoy us.
A SONG OR TIME OF SILENCE – As Ray leads us in singing _____________________, I challenge you to pray the prayer David prayed.
Now that our exam is completed I think most of us can agree that we have room for a lot of improvement in the area of loving others, particularly those who annoy us. So let’s look at …
II. HAVING YOUR HEART TRANSFORMED … SO YOU CAN LOVE THOSE WHO ANNOY YOU
The first step is very simple, but very necessary.
A. CONFESS YOUR WRONG ATTITUDES, THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS
We need to come clean with God about the sinful attitudes or resentment that is in our hearts. If we have been rude to someone we need to admit we have sinned. If we try to avoid certain people just because they annoy us we need to admit that Jesus would not be pleased with such behavior.
Confession is not a time to beat ourselves up, but a time to allow God to surround us with his cleansing, empowering grace. It is a vital step in having our hearts transformed.
Sometimes after we have confessed to God, his Spirit will lead us to go and confess to someone we have sinned against.
The next step in having your heart transformed is to …
B. PRAY FOR THOSE WHO ANNOY YOU
This is not an easy practice to develop, but it can work wonders in your life. Here is what Jesus said …
MATTHEW 5:43-44 – 43“You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Those who annoy us aren’t necessarily our enemies, but we must admit that we don’t feel or more importantly demonstrate love to them. The question is what do we pray for the person who is annoying us? If we don’t know the person or if we know that they are not a believer, we can pray for their salvation. We can pray for God to be merciful to them.
If they are a believer we can pray a prayer similar to Paul’s prayer for the believers in Philippi.
PHILIPPIANS 1:9-11 – 9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.
Now we aren’t going to remember all of those flowery words, but we can remember to pray … that their love, knowledge and insight concerning God’s will would grow and help them live pure lives so that praise would be given to God. In other words, we pray that they might become the person God would have them to be.
The next thing we can do to help us love those who annoy us is to learn to …
C. STAY SILENT WHEN YOU ARE ANNOYED
That well known passage in the book of Ecclesiastes says …
ECCLESIASTES 3:1, 7b - 1There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
7bA time to be silent and a time to speak.
When you are annoyed with someone that is a “time to be silent”.
Jesus gave us a good example of remaining silent.
MATTHEW 26:62-63a – 62Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, “Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?” 63aBut Jesus remained silent.
Of course hundreds of years before, Isaiah prophesied how Jesus would stay silent.
ISAIAH 53:7 – He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
If you remain silent when you are annoyed it will help you pray for the person and give you an opportunity to think about how you can …
D. SERVE THOSE WHO ANNOY YOU
We can’t always do this but many times we can. Sometimes we can help them do something, at other times we serve them by talking to them or inviting them to be a part of our group. We can do a lot of serving by just being willing to listen to what a person has to say … to treat them like they are a person or worth.
Sometimes we can serve them by just not avoiding them.
CONCLUSION
Jesus makes it very clear … we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, that includes those who annoy us.
To do that many of us need our hearts changed. That change can take place if we will:
- Confess wrong attitudes, thoughts and actions
- Pray for those who annoy us
- Stay silent when you are annoyed
and
- Serve those who annoy you
Let’s determine to go forth from this place and obey Jesus by loving those who annoy us.